Flappy Bird, we need to talk. We’ve had a long history together—you, me, and those cursed green pipes—but I can’t keep doing this. You’ve hurt me too many times.

At first, it was fun. I thought you were cute. You were simple, retro, and charming in a “look, I only need one finger to play!” kind of way. But then I realized… you’re toxic. Every time I try to fly with you, you slam me headfirst into a pipe and laugh at my misery.

I deserve better.

Why Our Relationship Failed

  • You’re too unpredictable. One second I think I’ve found my rhythm, the next second I’m dead.

  • You don’t reward effort. I flap for hours, and what do I get? A score of 4.

  • You embarrass me. I tried playing you in public once. People saw me yell at my phone like I’d lost custody of my children.

Sure, you gave me highs. That one time I hit 20 points, I felt unstoppable. But then you ripped it away faster than you gave it. That’s not love, Bird. That’s manipulation.

Tips for Anyone Still “Dating” Flappy Bird

  1. Set boundaries. Don’t let the game consume your sanity.

  2. Stay calm. The angrier you get, the more you flap like a drunk pigeon.

  3. Know when to quit. Sometimes walking away is the bravest thing you can do.

FAQ (a.k.a. Things I Wish I’d Known Before Falling In Love)

How do I play Flappy Bird on PC?
Through clones and emulators. But be careful—it’ll break your heart and your keyboard.

Is Flappy Bird still available?
No, the original is gone. Probably because it destroyed too many lives (and smartphones).

Is it okay for kids?
If you want your kids to learn about disappointment early, then yes.

Goodbye, My Feathered Nemesis

Flappy Bird, this is the end. I’m deleting you. Not because I don’t love you, but because I love myself more.

…But maybe I’ll redownload you tomorrow. Just for one more try.

馃憠 What about you, dear readers—are you still stuck in this toxic love affair? What’s the highest score you reached before realizing you deserved better?